A mammoth entry, if you will, this week for Folly Friday. We’re not sure if there’s some sort of automotive equivalent of silly season going at the moment, but the world of motoring seems to have gone totally bonkers over the last week.
There’s whale-penis leather, road sign idiocy and more terrible press releases than you shake a stick at. But first a dose of reality.
Porsche to investigate forced labour under Hitler
A fairly extraordinary and sobering story from Stuttgart, where Porsche is to launch an investigation into whether slave labour was used in Porsche factories under Nazi rule.
Porsche is responding to allegations from a German journalist that suggest that hundreds were forced to work at Porsche for little or no pay.
Ulrich Viehoefer, an economics journalist, was looking into Ferdinand Porsche’s role in Germany during the Nazi era, when it turned over its factories to the war effort during WWII.
The Porsche and Piech families have long ruled over Germany’s automotive landscape, and the histories of Porsche and Volkswagen are indelibly linked with events prior to and following WWII.
Porsche has previously admitted forced labour was used at its factories under Hitler and has made reparations to a charitable fund that compensates vistims of slave labour.
But the new allegations will put Porsche back under the microscope and will increase pressure for a formal apology.
Press release folly 1: Toyota iQ – the new Mini
MT wonders what hairdressers will start buying next.
A trio of Toyota iQs have started work with Derby’s leading letting agent – and the city cars are proving a popular and green addition to the IMS Lettings fleet.
Puma makes a Formula One car from clothing
Apparently staff at Puma having nothing better to do than building F1 cars out of pairs of Ferrari and Puma togs.
Well done guys, looks great. Now, the boss would like a word…
• Via VLane
Press release folly 2: If Only Ready Brek Really Could Make Kids ‘Glow In The Dark’ The Roads Would Be A Safer Place In Winter – Says GEM
A good point badly made:
“Whilst the much loved breakfast cereal may give kids a nice warm feeling and set them up for the day, it’s a shame Ready brek doesn’t actually give them an orange glow on the outside, as it could be a life saver” said David Williams of road safety organisation, GEM Motoring Assist.
Learned this week
The Ford Ka Convertible, Mini Convertible, Volkswagen beetle Convertible and Toyota iQ are not suitable for use in a driving test due to poor rear visibility.
Modded Russian Hummer boasts diamonds, whale-penis leather
Don’t ask for it, your local Seat dealer doesn’t have it. Whale-penis leather may be all the rage among Russian gangsters, but it’s unlikely to be on the spec lists of many mainstream manufacturers any time soon.
Here’s the full spec:
• Ruby Red matte paint
• Gold-plated bulletproof windows
• 22″ Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
• Whale Penis Leather interior
• Tungsten exhaust
• Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
• White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges – grill, side and dashboard
• Special edition Vertu mobile phone with “alert” button
• Additional outside kevlar coating
• Rogue Acoustic Audio System
• Three bottles of the world’s most expensive Vvdka – RussoBaltique Vodka, drink edition, same as in the RussoBaltique car when it visited Monaco at 1912
Samuel L Jackson urges you to by a m************ Pontiac
During a break in recording a voiceover for the Pontiac Grand Prix several years ago, Samuel L Jackson went a bit Pulp Fiction on asses, and delivered the following foul-mouthed outburst, which should only be heard by readers of a strong disposition.
Oxford City Council Fail
Amusing idiocy from Oxford City Council road signs department. MT assumed this should read ‘Not suitable for long vehicles’
Press release folly 3: Press officer dies a little inside
Bad press releases are meat and drink for a lot of websites out there, especially as there’s been an explosion of blogs and sites that simply rely on reprinting RSS feeds of press releases from distributors.
It’s all a little futile and pointless for the reader, but there’s money to be made if you can reprint enough stuff on a big scale.
This, in turn, encourages press offices to churn out stuff regardless of its merit – as it pretty much guarantees some publicity on a few corners of the web. Here’s one of the dafter examples:
UK motorists are talking to their Toyotas and speaking to their Seats according to new research by one of the UK’s largest used car websites which revealed that 75 per cent of motorists admit chatting to their cars.
And following in the footsteps of Basil Fawlty and Knightrider, a surprising 21 per cent of men admit to talking to their cars at least ‘sometimes’.
Only a silent minority, 25 per cent (298) of motorists claim never to gossip with their Golfs.
According to another survey from motors.co.uk, a quarter of drivers (26 per cent) admit to having a pet name for their motor such as Pablo the Prius, Connie the Corsa and Sexo the Saxo.
PS. MT’s car is called Johnson
BREAKING: Testosterone makes men drive fast
Straight out of the bears-and-popes school of research is this revelation that men are driven to dangerous speeds by testosterone.
According to some research or other, men taking part in the research drove a saloon and then a sport car once on a busy street where they would be seen by women, and then again on a quiet road.
The men displayed higher levels of the hormone when after they’d driven a sport car.
Marketing professor Gad Saad, the study’s lead researcher said the study is evidence of “sexual signalling,” similar to animals in the wild, where males try to prove to females they’re the best breeding stock.
“It’s literally the peacock’s tail. It’s the human version,” said Saad.
“It’s saying, ‘all you pretenders out there — you couldn’t be driving this Aston Martin — you couldn’t even rent it.’”
So, there you have it. Drivers of fast cars literally have a peacock’s tail. Yawn.
Amusing US Mini advert
Smooth. This Mini ad is a cheeky and casual way of poking fun at the brand, while subtly reinforcing the idea that Mini drivers can pull gorgeous women, even if they look like total dweebs.
Press release folly 4: Footballer’s cars?
Any automotive website editor worth their salt knows the value of an article connecting footballers with cars. Footballers have lots of cash and little taste, so their cars are always worth looking for. Plus there’s always a little vicarious thrill in seeing what car your heroes drive.
So, press releases such as this one should come as no surprise. However, this one particularly struggles for any meaning or reason to exist whatsoever, featuring some suggested second-hand cars for the current England squad based on, well we don’t know what it’s based on. See if you can figure it out:
• He might be in his fortieth year, but the on-off England keeper seems to be getting better with age, rather like the Mazda MX-5. This classic sports car has been around since 1989 and improves with each new generation. Just like David James, only a lot more reliable.
• Poor Ashley Cole. One of the world’s best left backs, but hard to like. How about a BMW 3 Series, Ashley? A great car, but nobody will let you out into traffic.
• No more expensive mistakes, Rio. Try something cheap that won’t let you down, like a Honda Jazz, and remember to look over your shoulder – on the road and on the pitch.
• Glen Johnson’s always speeding forwards when he needs to hold back. Try a hot hatch like the Mini Cooper, Glen.
• Hard. That’s the word which comes to mind when describing John Terry, but remember those tears after the missed penalty in the Champions League final? A Volvo XC90 is as tough as they come but not afraid to show its feelings.
• Officially he may be an LA Galaxy player, but it’s no secret Beckham wants to play in Italy. How about an Alfa Romeo 159 for the long drive, David?
• Stephen Gerrard’s a classy player with a surefooted touch in all conditions. We’d recommend a Land Rover Freelander.
• Until Capello came along, no coach could mesh the similar playing styles of Gerrard and Frank Lampard. Is it a cop out to suggest another Land Rover Freelander?
• Aaron Lennon may be small, but what he lacks in size he makes up in speed. Just like Citroën’s half-pint hot-hatch, the C2 VTS.
• He moves with the grace of a new-born giraffe, but Peter Crouch can score goals. He needs a limo with plenty of legroom, like the BMW 7 Series.
• Few forwards are as quick and committed as Rooney, but he’s no male model. Drive a Mazda RX-8 and all eyes will be on the car, not the man behind the wheel.
Admittedly the David James/ MX-5 joke is amusing.
Time for change
Why don’t parking meters give out change? It;s a fair questions that’s countered with the charge that storing vast amounts of change in meters would make them more of a target to thieves.
However, self-proclaimed King of Scrappage and Portsmouth car dealer Michael Nobes is taking his local council to task over the matter.
Nobes is fighting the good fight with a Freedom of Information request to find out where all the extra change goes. And he gets in a nice little bit about selling Hyundai Coupes for under £10K.
Good work, but MT is none-the-wiser as to what a Slumpdog Millionaire is.
• Via Car Dealer Magazine
Tags: footballers cars, formula one, hyundai, mini, Pontiac, porsche, PUMA, samuel l jackson, toyota iQ
[...] You may remember a few weeks ago we reported on a Russian luxury vehicle manufacturer fitting its Hummer H2 interiors with whale-penis leather. [...]